i think i'm getting to a place where i can feel different things other than just grief about my mom's death. i'm finally feeling more peaceful.
i'm feeling that i can look at her pictures, maybe even put them up without feeling such immense sadness.
today i found a ring that she bought when she was young and i received it on my 16th birthday. i decided to wear it again and instead of being sad i feel like i'm connecting with her in a way i haven't felt since she died.
as i've written before, these next months are hard for me which i can honestly say, drives me completely nuts. i hate that even if i'm not conciously remembering what time of year it is, i feel sad, angry, wack-jobish, just off in every way.
the 29th, is the day that she found out about her cancer, so that is the anniversary of the end for me. and no matter how hard i try to not feel that way , i ultimately do.
but for now, or today anyways, i'm feeling ready to remember her and even this time of year without the complete sadness that follows along.
i feel ready to honor her in ways i haven't been able to before.
in ways like wearing her ring, finding a beautiful frame to put her beautiful picture in and to also display it in my house without feeling like crying when i look at it.
4 comments:
I hate to invade. My Mom died on April 21st. How long did it take to feel at peace. I know what you mean about feeling wack-jobish. I'm sick of feeling wack-jobish and flying off over every little thing.
hi mamma, i read of your loss and i admire how you can write so openly and honest about your feelings.
my mom died june 16th 2002, so it has taken 4 years for me to feel somewhat not so immensely sad. i'm not at peace with it and can say i don't know if i ever will be.
but life does move on and get easier as cliche as it sounds, in time.
i try to honor her by living life as joyfully and gratefully as possible.
i've said this before....she would not have wanted her death to define who i am...i am her daughter and she is my mother and that will never change, no matter.
if you need to talk at all, let me know, i'm here.
I wear a piece of my mom's jewelry most every day. I still live my life with her as a benchmark. I still do the things that would have made her proud and by the same token, I don't do things that would have disappointed her or made her sad. I still cry when I miss her terribly or sometimes when I see her little smiling face in a picture. But there are a lot of times I can be feeling down and that same smiling picture snaps me right out of my sadness.
Thank You for your sage words. Thank You.
Post a Comment