yup, I'm changin' it up....maybe it'll motivate me to write more.

I haven't been posting much because all I seem to want to say is either negative or depressing. But today I'm doing it anyways.

There are just days or moments or times in my life when I could give it all up, move to a deserted island and just be by myself. Today is one of those. I'm sick of my marriage, sick of my job, pretty much sick of everything and everyone.
I tend to be very introspective when I'm like this and I start to doubt most things I've said or done. I know it's not healthy. That I'm being too hard on myself but I can't always shake the self-punishment.

It's the kind of feeling that maybe you've burned too many bridges. That being who you are (and most times liking yourself) isn't what you maybe need to be to get what you want from life.

This isn't about anything really in particular, just some things that happened earlier that I know rationally I am making bigger than need be. See I tend to that as well when I'm in this state of mind.

I hate being like this. I hate feeling the lack of hope and I especially hate feeling not good enough, that somehow I need to change who I really am just to get along.

It's a self-pity party that I don't even want to be invited to, let alone attend.

When you are sorrowful
look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us (girls) when we were little!

Once upon a time in a land far away,
A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess
Happened upon a frog as she sat
Contemplating ecological issues
On the shores of an unpolluted pond
In a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
And said: " Elegant Lady,I was once a handsome prince,
Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
And I will turn back
Into the dapper, young prince that I am
And then, my sweet, we can marry
And set up housekeeping in your castle
With my mother,
Where you can prepare my meals,
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
And forever feel
Grateful and happy doing so.
That night,
As the princess dined sumptuously
On lightly sautéed frog legs
Seasoned in a white wine
And onion cream sauce,
She chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fucking think so.

thanks, jules....

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

too funny...thanks kel, I needed a good laugh!