Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
ugh, not again
i don't know what it is....suddenly i feel sad.
better not be pms again.
it's just been one of those nights that certain things have brought on the tears.
a moment (on one of the my shows) between sisters, that made me desperately wish that i had a sister. that's not something i usually feel. i have 4 great brothers ( okay, 1 really great bro , 2 pretty good ones and one that could be little better). but it's not like i don't know what having siblings to be there for you is like.
just that one moment made me wishful.
another moment made me miss my mom more than i usually do. i miss her most days but this moment was way more intense. just to have my mom wrap her arms around me like that again.
okay, i've made myself cry again. blah.
must be pms.
better not be pms again.
it's just been one of those nights that certain things have brought on the tears.
a moment (on one of the my shows) between sisters, that made me desperately wish that i had a sister. that's not something i usually feel. i have 4 great brothers ( okay, 1 really great bro , 2 pretty good ones and one that could be little better). but it's not like i don't know what having siblings to be there for you is like.
just that one moment made me wishful.
another moment made me miss my mom more than i usually do. i miss her most days but this moment was way more intense. just to have my mom wrap her arms around me like that again.
okay, i've made myself cry again. blah.
must be pms.
Friday, January 27, 2006
where did the spunk go?
i 've been thinking lately about who i used to be. we all grow and change but sometimes it's not always in a way we like.
i used to be quite a gutsy or rather spunky girl.
i had no fear. seriously, none.
example: if i met a guy i liked or we had hooked up ( drunkenly) and he didn't call, i would call him. i would take on 'spy mode'. i'd either find his number myself or somehow get it from sort of source. then i'd call. it may not have always been the smartest move but i didn't care. i hated the 'games' you had to play when dating (or whatever you want to call it..lol)
i even did that with the hub, in a roundabout way. one night i was out with friends and he was there. we had actually met a few months before but hadn't seen each other since. by the end of quick conversation the 2nd night, i finally just asked him if he was ever going to ask me out (on a date). like i said i'm not much into games. if i liked a boy i had no problem letting him know.
but for the past few years, i've lost my no fear. i've become the over-thinker. the what-if-er.
i don't mean the guy thing anymore...i'm married.
i mean more like, i just don't take chances anymore. i feel the need to only express myself if it's a sure outcome. if i can pretty much gage the reaction i'm about to receive, otherwise i just sit back, feeling all safe.
an example of this is that i had the strongest feeling in nov. to call paul. all month. this little voice just said, find his number and call. gotta say, i really regret not listening the voice...it's something i usually do.
what stopped me was fear.
fear of his reaction to my call ( i didn't know he was ill at this time).
fear of being that pathetic ex-girlfriend that people make fun of.
fear of my hub's reaction to me calling an ex-boyfriend.
it wasn't a sure thing so i didn't do it.
and that fear lost me my last chance to say goodbye to someone who i once loved.
so next time fear tries to talking to me, i'm ignoring it and remembering the spunky girl i used to be.
i used to be quite a gutsy or rather spunky girl.
i had no fear. seriously, none.
example: if i met a guy i liked or we had hooked up ( drunkenly) and he didn't call, i would call him. i would take on 'spy mode'. i'd either find his number myself or somehow get it from sort of source. then i'd call. it may not have always been the smartest move but i didn't care. i hated the 'games' you had to play when dating (or whatever you want to call it..lol)
i even did that with the hub, in a roundabout way. one night i was out with friends and he was there. we had actually met a few months before but hadn't seen each other since. by the end of quick conversation the 2nd night, i finally just asked him if he was ever going to ask me out (on a date). like i said i'm not much into games. if i liked a boy i had no problem letting him know.
but for the past few years, i've lost my no fear. i've become the over-thinker. the what-if-er.
i don't mean the guy thing anymore...i'm married.
i mean more like, i just don't take chances anymore. i feel the need to only express myself if it's a sure outcome. if i can pretty much gage the reaction i'm about to receive, otherwise i just sit back, feeling all safe.
an example of this is that i had the strongest feeling in nov. to call paul. all month. this little voice just said, find his number and call. gotta say, i really regret not listening the voice...it's something i usually do.
what stopped me was fear.
fear of his reaction to my call ( i didn't know he was ill at this time).
fear of being that pathetic ex-girlfriend that people make fun of.
fear of my hub's reaction to me calling an ex-boyfriend.
it wasn't a sure thing so i didn't do it.
and that fear lost me my last chance to say goodbye to someone who i once loved.
so next time fear tries to talking to me, i'm ignoring it and remembering the spunky girl i used to be.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Beautiful Life - Beautiful Death
"linda" means beautiful. how did her parents know she would such a beautiful essence?
today i started the morning by saying "don't worry about me, love," then immediately laughed out loud-with her. How ludicrous to imagine that linda would not worry about me, the children she left behind, grandchildren she won't know or even unborn millions. for the first time i understood the nature of her worrying. to worry was linda's way of expressing unconditional love, a love that reaches you and every living creature for now and in the future. if you knew linda, you may have felt it. she could not imagine that people hurt others, or even lie or steal-it was just not in her being.
we meet many in life, but few leave footprints on our heart. linda wore spiritual clodhoppers with a velvet tread. she trampled our hearts in so subtle a way we may not notice the impact for years.
eighteen months ago, melanoma excised from a small spot on her lower back six years earlier returned to a lymph node. we leveraged every resource at our disposal to get the finest care available, but to no avail. despite feelings of denial, we began to prepare practically and emotionally for her likely death in the near future. on january 2002, we knew her likely life span was months. not wasting time on regret, we seized the precious remaining time to savor our love and say goodbye. a week before she died, our children came to say goodbye-one lasting image is my young adult children curled up as if in their "jammies"on either side of linda, cuddling with her quietly to soak up a lifetime of physical contact.
in her final days she began to slip away at home under hospice guidance. although not in pain, she could talk only with great effort, and drifted in and out of awareness. her sister and i sat quietly with her, reminding her of the love she had shared and the fullness of her life contribution. we found her stash of my love letters over thirty years, and i read them to her. we sat quietly for hours just holding her hand. in the evening we shared the magic of our last fire in the livingroom fireplace.
her last day she slept in the afternoon, then moved into a coma of diminished awareness, eyes unfocused and cloudy, but peaceful countenance, next came, the death rattle of gurgled breathing. alarmed, we called hopsice and were told to look at her forehead and face-did she appear to be grimacing, struggling? no, not at all. we continued to calmly soothe her, hold her hands, play peaceful music, read poems, generally give her permission to leave us, as her life work was well done.
in the evening, by force of her ample will, she somehow escaped her death coma momentarily. she turned her head slightly, focused her eyes on me, moved her lips perhaps to say " goodbye, my love" i kissed her. she returned the kiss. she turned to her sister and shared the same poignant goodbye, then fell back to the coma. the awesome, touching moment will be in my feeling memory forever. a few hours later, assured by a visiting hospice nurse that we had done all we could, we prepared for sleep. i kissed her goodnight and assured her i would be again by her side should she need me. i feel asleep.
suddenly only minutes later, i awakened fully, glanced at linda and felt she had gone-her breath had stopped, her lips were pale. i called her sister and we said our final goodbyes to honor her remaining aura in the vessel that had carried her awesome life. peacefully i sat by her side. she is peaceful, held by so many hearts on a quilted cushion of love.
linda taught me to fully live within the mosiac of all the moments of life-moments that transcend, time, space, here, there; now, then, alive, dead -significant moments richly lived with many facets define who you are.
strange concept,beautiful death, but i feel its meaning. i was incredibly lucky to have thirty years as linda's husband and to be at her side as she died. i am still learning from her. though her physical presence has passed, my beautiful linda will guide me for my lifetime.
written by bruce hanna- chicken soup for the romantic soul
much more than just my mothers name in this story is similiar
today i started the morning by saying "don't worry about me, love," then immediately laughed out loud-with her. How ludicrous to imagine that linda would not worry about me, the children she left behind, grandchildren she won't know or even unborn millions. for the first time i understood the nature of her worrying. to worry was linda's way of expressing unconditional love, a love that reaches you and every living creature for now and in the future. if you knew linda, you may have felt it. she could not imagine that people hurt others, or even lie or steal-it was just not in her being.
we meet many in life, but few leave footprints on our heart. linda wore spiritual clodhoppers with a velvet tread. she trampled our hearts in so subtle a way we may not notice the impact for years.
eighteen months ago, melanoma excised from a small spot on her lower back six years earlier returned to a lymph node. we leveraged every resource at our disposal to get the finest care available, but to no avail. despite feelings of denial, we began to prepare practically and emotionally for her likely death in the near future. on january 2002, we knew her likely life span was months. not wasting time on regret, we seized the precious remaining time to savor our love and say goodbye. a week before she died, our children came to say goodbye-one lasting image is my young adult children curled up as if in their "jammies"on either side of linda, cuddling with her quietly to soak up a lifetime of physical contact.
in her final days she began to slip away at home under hospice guidance. although not in pain, she could talk only with great effort, and drifted in and out of awareness. her sister and i sat quietly with her, reminding her of the love she had shared and the fullness of her life contribution. we found her stash of my love letters over thirty years, and i read them to her. we sat quietly for hours just holding her hand. in the evening we shared the magic of our last fire in the livingroom fireplace.
her last day she slept in the afternoon, then moved into a coma of diminished awareness, eyes unfocused and cloudy, but peaceful countenance, next came, the death rattle of gurgled breathing. alarmed, we called hopsice and were told to look at her forehead and face-did she appear to be grimacing, struggling? no, not at all. we continued to calmly soothe her, hold her hands, play peaceful music, read poems, generally give her permission to leave us, as her life work was well done.
in the evening, by force of her ample will, she somehow escaped her death coma momentarily. she turned her head slightly, focused her eyes on me, moved her lips perhaps to say " goodbye, my love" i kissed her. she returned the kiss. she turned to her sister and shared the same poignant goodbye, then fell back to the coma. the awesome, touching moment will be in my feeling memory forever. a few hours later, assured by a visiting hospice nurse that we had done all we could, we prepared for sleep. i kissed her goodnight and assured her i would be again by her side should she need me. i feel asleep.
suddenly only minutes later, i awakened fully, glanced at linda and felt she had gone-her breath had stopped, her lips were pale. i called her sister and we said our final goodbyes to honor her remaining aura in the vessel that had carried her awesome life. peacefully i sat by her side. she is peaceful, held by so many hearts on a quilted cushion of love.
linda taught me to fully live within the mosiac of all the moments of life-moments that transcend, time, space, here, there; now, then, alive, dead -significant moments richly lived with many facets define who you are.
strange concept,beautiful death, but i feel its meaning. i was incredibly lucky to have thirty years as linda's husband and to be at her side as she died. i am still learning from her. though her physical presence has passed, my beautiful linda will guide me for my lifetime.
written by bruce hanna- chicken soup for the romantic soul
much more than just my mothers name in this story is similiar
Monday, January 23, 2006
huh?
i can admit i don't know much about politics and honestly don't really care if i educate myself enough to know. i know, i know, not so smart...i just find it all sooo boring.
but as i am still trying to figure out who i want to vote for...yes at 2pm on voting day, i read the local paper that help summarize a bit of what each party is offering.
there is one part there that just stumped me. or maybe a better way to describe was WTF?
it's the conservatives wanting to "protect teenagers and in order to prevent the sexual exploitation of children, will raise the age of consent to 16 from 14."
and "to protect society, will change the laws so a 14 year old charged with a serious or repeat violent crime will be sentenced as an adult."
these are direct quotes from our candidate.
now i have already admitted not knowing much about the election but am a little confused.
the way i am understanding these statements is that a 14 year old isn't mature enough to know if they are making the right choice about sex. they don't know the consequences that sex can bring. so if they date anyone older than 15, that person could be charged with rape. that the older person in that relationship is the one responsible for any action taken place between them.
but if that same 14 yr. old commits a crime, then they must be mature enough to know the consequences of those actions.
what is the difference?
i know that they may be trying to protect children in certain situations, like bountiful, where young girls are supposedly (and probably being made) to marry much older men.
but what about the 14 yr that has gotten messed up with the wrong crowd. or that same 14 yr old that is being pushed into a relationship they don't want or not ready for. what if the only way out would be to use violence?
how do we protect teenagers while at the same time, say that are responsible for there own actions?
why is sex something to be protected from but violence just condemned?
i don't know if i'm expressing this well. i just found the statements completely contradicting.
see that's why i don't like politics, just doesn't make any sense to me.
and i know i have to vote....maybe i'll vote green or cap. they at least make some sort of sense even if it because they're stoned* all the time LOL
* joking, seriously just joking about the stoned part.
note: simple way to say is" a 14yr old is not an adult when having sex but is when being violent" hmmm?
but as i am still trying to figure out who i want to vote for...yes at 2pm on voting day, i read the local paper that help summarize a bit of what each party is offering.
there is one part there that just stumped me. or maybe a better way to describe was WTF?
it's the conservatives wanting to "protect teenagers and in order to prevent the sexual exploitation of children, will raise the age of consent to 16 from 14."
and "to protect society, will change the laws so a 14 year old charged with a serious or repeat violent crime will be sentenced as an adult."
these are direct quotes from our candidate.
now i have already admitted not knowing much about the election but am a little confused.
the way i am understanding these statements is that a 14 year old isn't mature enough to know if they are making the right choice about sex. they don't know the consequences that sex can bring. so if they date anyone older than 15, that person could be charged with rape. that the older person in that relationship is the one responsible for any action taken place between them.
but if that same 14 yr. old commits a crime, then they must be mature enough to know the consequences of those actions.
what is the difference?
i know that they may be trying to protect children in certain situations, like bountiful, where young girls are supposedly (and probably being made) to marry much older men.
but what about the 14 yr that has gotten messed up with the wrong crowd. or that same 14 yr old that is being pushed into a relationship they don't want or not ready for. what if the only way out would be to use violence?
how do we protect teenagers while at the same time, say that are responsible for there own actions?
why is sex something to be protected from but violence just condemned?
i don't know if i'm expressing this well. i just found the statements completely contradicting.
see that's why i don't like politics, just doesn't make any sense to me.
and i know i have to vote....maybe i'll vote green or cap. they at least make some sort of sense even if it because they're stoned* all the time LOL
* joking, seriously just joking about the stoned part.
note: simple way to say is" a 14yr old is not an adult when having sex but is when being violent" hmmm?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
who's who....do you really want to know?
for now i'm not using real names so i figured i would used a code to talk about family and friends. so here's the code:
hub: my husband of 3 1/2 years, we haven't been married long but have been together 10 years ( i know i can't believe it either) he's one of the good guys even if it doesn't seem like i know that. i'm very blessed to have met this man.
boo: my 10 yr old daughter who changed, literally, my life. it would have turned out very different if she had not chosen me to be her mother.
binks: my 6 year old son who made my life and our family complete.
ss: my 11 year old step-son who lives with his adopted mother but we all have a very open relationship together- adopted mother, biological mom and boyfriend and us. it's an amazing situation and i am very grateful for it.
mom: my rock, she made me who i am today, without her, i don't know how i would've survived but i can only love her from my heart. she is my angel looking after me and my bro. life will never be the same without her in it.
dad: the first man i ever loved who taught me dance on his toes and to laugh at life. he is always there for me when i truly need him.
sd: my step-dad who has always loved me even when i didn't deserve to be. more like one of my friends than a dad.
sm1: my dad's first second wife
sm2: my dad's second second wife, his partner now.
bro: my 'real' brother... my mom and dad's. he's my l'il bro who i can't help but try and mother. i love him more than he will probably ever know. without him i would feel lost.
mil: my mother-in-law whom i love and probably the closest i will ever have for a mom again. makes me very thankful to have married into her family.
fil: father-in-law who has the same sense of humor i do which alot people don't get. we are very sarcastic to each other which is awesome. again am very grateful for.
sis: my bro's partner, she's awesome. knowing her helped opened my whole way of thinking and being. the closest i ever had to a sister.
bf: best friend(as junior high that is :o) ) have known each other since we were 8. my other sister.
bfh: best friend's hub...probably my closest 'guy friend'. my intellectual match (ok, he's above me.
okay i think i'm done for now. for those of you not included please don't take it personal, i love you all...there's just sooo many great people in my life, i can't write about you all right now :o)
hub: my husband of 3 1/2 years, we haven't been married long but have been together 10 years ( i know i can't believe it either) he's one of the good guys even if it doesn't seem like i know that. i'm very blessed to have met this man.
boo: my 10 yr old daughter who changed, literally, my life. it would have turned out very different if she had not chosen me to be her mother.
binks: my 6 year old son who made my life and our family complete.
ss: my 11 year old step-son who lives with his adopted mother but we all have a very open relationship together- adopted mother, biological mom and boyfriend and us. it's an amazing situation and i am very grateful for it.
mom: my rock, she made me who i am today, without her, i don't know how i would've survived but i can only love her from my heart. she is my angel looking after me and my bro. life will never be the same without her in it.
dad: the first man i ever loved who taught me dance on his toes and to laugh at life. he is always there for me when i truly need him.
sd: my step-dad who has always loved me even when i didn't deserve to be. more like one of my friends than a dad.
sm1: my dad's first second wife
sm2: my dad's second second wife, his partner now.
bro: my 'real' brother... my mom and dad's. he's my l'il bro who i can't help but try and mother. i love him more than he will probably ever know. without him i would feel lost.
mil: my mother-in-law whom i love and probably the closest i will ever have for a mom again. makes me very thankful to have married into her family.
fil: father-in-law who has the same sense of humor i do which alot people don't get. we are very sarcastic to each other which is awesome. again am very grateful for.
sis: my bro's partner, she's awesome. knowing her helped opened my whole way of thinking and being. the closest i ever had to a sister.
bf: best friend(as junior high that is :o) ) have known each other since we were 8. my other sister.
bfh: best friend's hub...probably my closest 'guy friend'. my intellectual match (ok, he's above me.
okay i think i'm done for now. for those of you not included please don't take it personal, i love you all...there's just sooo many great people in my life, i can't write about you all right now :o)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
no pain, no gain...
you're all probably wondering how my date went. (of course if you really were there would be some questions about it in the comments but alas, so far no questions or comments..hmmm?)
like any other first date, okay at least any of my first dates (ha ha) .... it was pleasant for both parties concerned. nice and quite relaxing. some endorphiines started pumping but didn't get overly excited. seems to be the start of a compatible relationship. until...
until that night. holy crap the pain in my right leg around the hip area. you would think i was 90 and had just fallen and couldn't get up (lol). there was pain, clicking, more pain, limping, even more pain.
so i've concluded that i am very out of shape whether i look like i am or not. i must be.
gym and i are back on talking/working terms, last night was another good walk and bike with no long lasting effects. i'm even going back for more tonight. hopefully gym understands the need to not cause too much pain or that will be the end for us. although as the saying goes" no pain, no gain"
i would just like to know who really says that?
like any other first date, okay at least any of my first dates (ha ha) .... it was pleasant for both parties concerned. nice and quite relaxing. some endorphiines started pumping but didn't get overly excited. seems to be the start of a compatible relationship. until...
until that night. holy crap the pain in my right leg around the hip area. you would think i was 90 and had just fallen and couldn't get up (lol). there was pain, clicking, more pain, limping, even more pain.
so i've concluded that i am very out of shape whether i look like i am or not. i must be.
gym and i are back on talking/working terms, last night was another good walk and bike with no long lasting effects. i'm even going back for more tonight. hopefully gym understands the need to not cause too much pain or that will be the end for us. although as the saying goes" no pain, no gain"
i would just like to know who really says that?
Monday, January 16, 2006
wish me luck
this morning is my first date with gym. gym and i are teaming up to battle the bulge and destroy stress. like any first date, we have to see how much we like each other. will it be instant attraction or do we have to grow on each other? will i take gym's call after a couple of dates or will i string him along hoping to find a spark, a mutual likeness?
or will i just admit "i'm really not that into you"
i'll keep you updated on our relationship as it progresses.
or will i just admit "i'm really not that into you"
i'll keep you updated on our relationship as it progresses.
Friday, January 13, 2006
choices we make
just before christmas, i received the news that one of my ex-boyfriends Paul had passed away.
he was the one from toronto, for my friends i'm sure you know who i'm talking about.
i hadn't seen him in about 10 years ( just before i moved back) and hadn't talked to him for about 6. the last time was on my 29th birthday and i had just had my little man.
now it's not that i wanted to lose touch with him, we just did. but i thought about him often. what was he doing, was he married, did he have kids? did he think about me?
some of my friends never liked him, thought he was using me. and there were probably times that he was. just as there were moments that he really cared for me.
only we knew those moments, like any other relationship.
this post isn't so much about our relationship (i'll write more on it later) it's more about where my life would be if i had made any different choices. if i had taken a different path, gone left instead of right.
if paul and i had gotten back together instead of my dating my other ex- boyfriend Gary, i wouldn't have my daughter. which would have not had me moving back home to have her. i wouldn't have met my hub and wouldn't have my son.
if Paul and I had been able to make it work, as at the time i think we both envisioned life together, i could now be a widow.
a widow at the age of 35.
i would have lost my mom and 3 years later lost my husband. i can't imagine that being my life at this exact moment.
it's very strange to have a time in your life that shows you what may have been.
usually we don't get a glimpse of the road not taken.
even though i loved him and wondered what life would have been like together, i guess i'd have to say that i'm glad that i had the chance to choose a different path that lead me to where i am today in the life that i was meant to be living.
ps. keep scrolling for the comments, i don't know where the big space came from
he was the one from toronto, for my friends i'm sure you know who i'm talking about.
i hadn't seen him in about 10 years ( just before i moved back) and hadn't talked to him for about 6. the last time was on my 29th birthday and i had just had my little man.
now it's not that i wanted to lose touch with him, we just did. but i thought about him often. what was he doing, was he married, did he have kids? did he think about me?
some of my friends never liked him, thought he was using me. and there were probably times that he was. just as there were moments that he really cared for me.
only we knew those moments, like any other relationship.
this post isn't so much about our relationship (i'll write more on it later) it's more about where my life would be if i had made any different choices. if i had taken a different path, gone left instead of right.
if paul and i had gotten back together instead of my dating my other ex- boyfriend Gary, i wouldn't have my daughter. which would have not had me moving back home to have her. i wouldn't have met my hub and wouldn't have my son.
if Paul and I had been able to make it work, as at the time i think we both envisioned life together, i could now be a widow.
a widow at the age of 35.
i would have lost my mom and 3 years later lost my husband. i can't imagine that being my life at this exact moment.
it's very strange to have a time in your life that shows you what may have been.
usually we don't get a glimpse of the road not taken.
even though i loved him and wondered what life would have been like together, i guess i'd have to say that i'm glad that i had the chance to choose a different path that lead me to where i am today in the life that i was meant to be living.
ps. keep scrolling for the comments, i don't know where the big space came from
no such luck
well, wouldn't you know it, i jinxed myself with my post yesterday...IT'S SNOWING and has been all night/day.
so much for the greenery
so much for the greenery
Thursday, January 12, 2006
green grass???
it's the middle of winter here and i have green grass in my front yard. huh?
now for some of you folks from the coastal areas this is the norm but from up here in the rockies, it's not. i'm used to sooo much snow that it doesn't melt until may. not that i'm complaining. i'm not a huge fan of snow unless there is lots and it's a sunny day of sledding or skiing.
this lack of snow and warmer temps are another yahoo for the list of good things that this move has given us. i swore i would never live in the "ugliest city in canada"*. the hub had to convince me to even look here when we were looking for a new house. but now so many things have fallen into place for us here that i'm loving it. note: not that life is perfect but it's going really well for us.
and just think of the beautification that we added to the city... LOL
the green grass is helping to look even more forward to spring which brings summer, my fav season. hmm camping.
spring/summer help the every winter-induced depression i seem to get especially around christmas...this year was one of the worst but that's for another post.
so on a happier note, cheers to green grass. now if the hub and i could just clean up the leaf piles from last fall :)
*seriously our city was named the ugliest city in canada a couple of years ago for it's lack of greenery/flowers, crappy roads and just plain ugliness and i'd have to say i would have to agree, not a pretty town.
now for some of you folks from the coastal areas this is the norm but from up here in the rockies, it's not. i'm used to sooo much snow that it doesn't melt until may. not that i'm complaining. i'm not a huge fan of snow unless there is lots and it's a sunny day of sledding or skiing.
this lack of snow and warmer temps are another yahoo for the list of good things that this move has given us. i swore i would never live in the "ugliest city in canada"*. the hub had to convince me to even look here when we were looking for a new house. but now so many things have fallen into place for us here that i'm loving it. note: not that life is perfect but it's going really well for us.
and just think of the beautification that we added to the city... LOL
the green grass is helping to look even more forward to spring which brings summer, my fav season. hmm camping.
spring/summer help the every winter-induced depression i seem to get especially around christmas...this year was one of the worst but that's for another post.
so on a happier note, cheers to green grass. now if the hub and i could just clean up the leaf piles from last fall :)
*seriously our city was named the ugliest city in canada a couple of years ago for it's lack of greenery/flowers, crappy roads and just plain ugliness and i'd have to say i would have to agree, not a pretty town.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
sleepin' double in a single bed?
and yes, those are lyrics to a country song in my header description and no, i don't much like country anymore (thank god) but i think the words suit me well ...i at least think it does and it's my blog, so there*
*gotta test the 'tude see if anyone comes back to read LOL
*gotta test the 'tude see if anyone comes back to read LOL
hello again..
hi guys, i finally decided to try this journal thing again. i'm thinking that i need to feel a little more connected to people, even if their strangers....maybe that's actually better, no need for any self-consciousness or awkwardness. hopefully i feel free in what i write but as the name says " i am an emotional girl"
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